32 Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By Carlin


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Mae West. "Men are all alike -- except the one you've met who's different." "Men are easy to get but hard to keep." "It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men." "Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you." "Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from."


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Displayed 1-15 of 19 quotes. A great list of quotes about, men. •, The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. • Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.


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Whether you are looking for an innovative way to cheer yourself up and deal with the daily stresses, stay focused and motivated, or simply trying to find a fantastic gift for a friend or a loved one, " 500 Funny Quotes for Men" could be a perfect choice!


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Funny Quotes. 1. "I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later." —Mitch Hedberg. 2. "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This.


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8. "By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day." —Robert Frost. 9. "The road to success is always under construction." —Lily.


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Here are some hilarious quotes about men that will tickle your funny bone. "When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." ~ Sacha Guitry. "A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing." ~ Duane Dewel. "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.


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11 "Women need makeup to be fake; men are fake without extra help.". 12 "When a man tells you, he is going to meet his friend Jack or Johnny, be sure he is referring to a human being and not his liquor.". 13 "Men can enjoy a lot of jokes, but when it comes to size and height, they seem to develop a severe sensitivity.".


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1. The ideal man goes home early, doesn't flirt, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't gamble and doesn't exist. 380. 0. Men are like chocolate bars…they're sweet and smooth but head straight for your hips. 449. 1. Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped. 423.


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Charles Shulz. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.". - George Carlin. A day without laughter is a day wasted. Charlie Chaplin. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. Charleton Heston. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. Dalai Lama.


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Specifically: let's hear what it's like being/loving/living with/working with men, from some of the funniest folk to ever impart their wisdom on the subject. From great wits (Mae West, Groucho.


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Funny Quotes for Men and Women. 91. "My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look." - Crimes and Misdemeanors. 92. "Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That's for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve." - David Letterman


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3. "I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food." 4. "People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." 5.


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Inspirational Quotes. Discover and share Funny Inspirational Quotes For Men. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love.


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It's not the men in my life that count; it's the life in my men. Mae West. Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. Rita Rudner. When women go wrong, men go right after them. Mae West.


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Oscar Wilde. You will earn the respect of all men if you begin by earning the respect of yourself. Musonius Rufus. When you find peace within yourself, you also find peace without. Naga Devi. The crucial thing is to find a truth which is truth for me, to find the idea for which I am willing to live and die.